| Copyright © 2008 Brenda Branson (Hanson, Kentucky) |
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| Domestic violence is “any behavior that is intended to control another human being through the use of fear, humiliation, and verbal or physical assaults”, according to Dr. Susan Forward, Ph.D., author of Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them. Domestic violence includes: Physical violence: slapping, hitting, burning, punching, choking, shoving, beating, throwing things, locking out, restraining, pushing, grabbing, twisting limbs, pinching, pulling out clumps of hair, etc. Emotional abuse: shaming, ridiculing, insulting, demeaning, name calling, threatening, withholding, manipulating, insulting, financial control, undermining, etc. Sexual abuse: rape, forcing reproductive decisions, forcing someone to engage in sexual acts she finds unpleasant or frightening, sexual assaults which may or may not involve force, and include such things as grabbing, fondling, or verbal threats, etc. Emerge, a Boston counseling program for abusive men, defines domestic violence as “any act that causes the victim to do something she does not want to do, prevents her from doing something she does want to do, or causes her to be afraid.” Myth: “I am not an abuser because my wife has never had any injuries that required a doctor’s care or hospitalization.” Fact: Any assault upon another person is a crime! Severity of assaults are classified into two categories: Simple assault: an attack without a weapon resulting either in minor injury (bruises, black eyes, cuts, scratches, swelling) or an undetermined injury requiring less than two days of hospitalization. It also includes attempted assault without a weapon and verbal threats of assault. Aggravated assault: an attack or attempted attack with a weapon regardless of whether or not an injury occurred, and attack without a weapon when serious injury results. Serious injury includes broken bones, loss of teeth, internal injuries, loss of consciousness, and any injury requiring two or more days of hospitalization. What is the difference between an occasional spat and domestic violence? Vicious attacks are repeated over and over again whenever the abuser loses control or becomes angry One partner dominates and controls the other through fear, threats, and verbal or physical abuse What does domestic violence look like? Usually starts with degrading behavior, insults, put-downs Abuser convinces victim she is the one causing problems in the marriage, and she needs to change Abuser insists on knowing victim’s every move, monitors her phone calls, and often isolates her from family and friends Abuser projects his faults and failures onto the victim, and refuses to take responsibility for his own actions Abuser makes her financially dependent by controlling all the family finances, refuses to give her money for necessities in order to make her a virtual prisoner Abuser refuses to give her money for clothing and haircuts, etc., but criticizes her appearance Convinces victim that she is stupid, worthless, and unable to function without his help Verbal abuse escalates into physical violence to keep her in line and instill fear Victim has to walk on eggshells to avoid further incidents This cycle of abuse repeats itself over and over again until the woman becomes so beaten down that she gives up hope and submits to an abusive lifestyle (much like a prisoner of war) or until she confronts the evil and seeks safety and help. Shocking statistics: Up to six million women are believed to be beaten in their homes each year. Four million incidents are reported. Up to 90% of battered women never report their abuse. On the average, a woman is battered in the United States by a partner every 12-15 seconds! If you are being physically abused, seek help immediately! Call 9-1-1 if possible. If you cannot safely call from where you are, place the call as soon as you are out of the house and out of danger. If you are injured, go directly to the emergency room and ask that your injuries be documented and photographed. Contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline number at 800-799-SAFE (7233) for information about help in your area. Make a safety plan and know what you will do if you are attacked again. Whatever you do, don’t ignore the problem . . . talk to someone. Part of the abuser’s power comes from secrecy! |
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